Mr. Brown Nose

Dec 112002
 

I have been married for almost twenty years. I have never found the courage to ask my wife to buttfuck. She says she hates it! Though she’s never tried it. She does let me sniff her butt, which turns me on so much my heart pounds. Is this a fetish? I haven’t seen anything on the web about butt sniffing or face sitting. Am I sick or just anally amused?

–Mr. Brown Nose

Our sense of smell is as important as all our other senses, and can be a crucial component in our sexual arousal. That’s the reason that people wear perfume or cologne to attract others, and why aromatherapy works, because scents can relax, excite, or entice us. Pheromones are naturally occurring chemicals which we can’t actually smell; but our noses detect them, and supposedly send messages to the brain, stimulating the body and creating a subconscious increase in desire. So, the nose is an important sex organ. Certain smells can be a big turn on for some people, and repulsive to others. It sounds like you’ve got a nose for that little nook between your girlfriend’s butt cheeks, and I can assure you that you are not the only one. In fact, there are plenty of web sites devoted to butt sniffing. As for the face sitting fetish, I’ve seen it in lots of adult videos, including the legendary Face Dance Obsession from Evil Angel Video.

Wants Her Ass Open

Aug 112002
 

My girlfriend and I love your book, love your movies and love anal sex. We’ve been fascinated by the ability of some porn stars to hold their anus open after having anal sex. My girlfriend would really like to be able to do that I would love for her to. Are there exercises she can do to achieve this? How can she learn to stay open after we have anal sex?

–Wants Her Ass Open

In the adult industry, the post-fucking state of openness of an ass which you refer to is called “the gape,” as in the popular vid series Planet of the Gapes. People write to me about seeing the gape in porn videos all the time, but usually it’s in fear. In other words, most folks see a nice, wide open ass and panic; they think that once they have anal sex, their ass will end up like a giant pink hole, they’ll lose control of their bowel movements, and the anal sphincter muscles will forever stay open. Of course, this isn’t the case. I often reassure people that what they are seeing is the ass “at play” — it’s just had something quite big pounding away at it, so it’s naturally very relaxed, aroused, and ajar. If you saw the same asshole “at rest,” it would be small, closed, and puckered as usual.

Your question is an interesting one because you and your girlfriend want to achieve the gape, whereas most folks are freaked out by it. In my experience, some women gape quite easily, others gape only after a prolonged intense assfucking, and others rarely if ever get a gape going. Some of it is pure chance; it has to do with how the body responds to penetration, and in particular how the ass behaves after prolonged stimulation. I don’t think there are any exercises your girlfriend can do to improve her chances of gaping. But she may want to try a few tricks to see if they help keep her ass open. After you pull out, she can reach around and spread her ass cheeks with both hands, which will give the illusion of an open ass. Have her bear down slightly; this may loosen the sphincter muscles and keep them from closing back to their puckered state. You may also want to try putting a butt plug with a wide neck in her ass; this helps relax and open the muscles. The best you can do is practice, and see what works best for both of you.

Mistress Mean

Apr 182002
 


I’m a professional dominatrix, and have several clients into forced feminization and anal play. Some of them have requested that I insert tampons into their (anal) “pussies.” Can this be done safely? I know that there is a risk of toxic shock syndrome when tampons are used vaginally, and I am wondering if it can happen in the ass as well.

–Mistress Mean

Toxic Shock Syndrome is a blood-borne bacterial infection caused by the bacteria Staphylococcus. We most commonly hear about it in relation to using tampons, and symptoms can include fever, chills, vomiting, sore throat, headache and more serious conditions. It is treated with intravenous antibiotics to prevent shock and kidney failure. TSS colonizes skin and mucous membranes, and the rectum is a mucous membrane; however, I had a difficult time locating any documented cases of TSS through the use of tampons anally. Since tampons are used to absorb moisture, it could be uncomfortable and dehydrating at the very least.

I have an easy solution for you. In fact, it’s for anyone who has a client lover who wants something in his or her ass which you know is either unsafe or potentially dangerous (other examples include glass bottles, candles, baseball bats, just to name a few). Find a sex toy with a similar size and feel to the desired (but unadvisable) object. Blindfold your bottom before inserting the toy in his or her ass, and make sure to talk about whatever the fantasized thing is in great detail. If you’re a good Top, you can convince a submissive of almost anything.

Kinky in NJ

Mar 132002
 


My girlfriend has just turned 18 years old and loves anal sex, bondage, and water sports. How far can I go in her ass with a dildo and be safe? Once you pass the sphincter muscle, it seems like there is a lot of room. What dangers are there if I piss in her ass while fucking her? I have already pissed in her pussy while fucking her with no problems. How long does it take for chain marks to come off her ass?

—Kinky in NJ

Well, it sounds like you are one busy guy. You’re right that once you get inside the rectum, there is a lot of room; in fact, the rectum is longer than the vagina. You’ve got about 9 1/2-11 inches before you reach the colon, and most dildos aren’t any longer than that. Keep in mind that you should always use a dildo with a flared base to be safe; one without a base could potentially get lost in your girlfriend’s ass—please, no trips to the emergency room which could have been prevented!

As for pissing in her ass, there are a few issues to consider. You need a dependable erection in order to penetrate her ass, and once you’re super hard, you may not be able to pee; some men can’t stay that hard and let it flow. If your dick can stand up and piss, then you’ve got to consider the safe sex issues. As far as bodily fluids go, urine is nearly, but not completely, sterile. Peeing in your sweetheart’s butt is mostly safe for you unless you have any cuts or open sores on your cock. She may want to know that she can get chlamydia, gonorrhea Hepatitis B, cytomegalovirus (CMV), or genital herpes, if these viruses are present in your piss. Unfortunately, there is no research on the transmission of HIV through urine; however, we know that HIV can be present in urine or in urine that contains an amount of blood. If the two of you have been tested for all these diseases and are monogamous, then you should be all right. Remember that whatever you put in a rectum will be instantaneously absorbed into the bloodstream, so she may end up with an upset stomach. You might also consider peeing outside of her ass, which is even safer and still plenty of fun!

Oh, and those chain marks on her ass? Well, it depends on how hard you hit her, how heavy the chain is, how easily her skin bruises, and how quickly her skin heals from marks. I assume you mean metal chains, and if you are hitting her ass with them, be very careful not to hit the base of the spine or her sit bones. You want to concentrate on the fleshy areas only.

A Kick in The Ass

Jan 172002
 


I’m 36 years old and quite sexually experienced. A few months ago, I met a woman I really like. She is quite inexperienced, but has a hell of an imagination, so it’s working out quite fine. Once, she got really hot for a pair of my shoes. I have lots of shoes, and cannot help buying more. I think she has a shoe fetish because she found a pair of very pointed stilettos of mine, and asked me if I would kick her in the butt with them. I didn’t mind at all, it was great fun actually. How often have you had the urge to give someone a kick in the ass?

But in the heat of the moment, I ended up doing more than kicking her. With some liberal helpings of KY Jelly, she ended up with the best part of my right shoe very deep in her ass. The shoe we used is very long, slim, and pointed, and I am only a size 5 1/2. I was pumping the toe in and out of her in all kinds of positions. By the end, she was riding my shoe, squatting down over my upturned toe. Humping up and down, it went in pretty deep, and she enjoyed it tremendously. She will for sure talk me into fucking her again in the butt with my shoes again, I just know it. She is not interested in being penetrated by the stiletto heel, and I wouldn’t do that anyway because it’s way too sharp. Is there any danger in this kind of anal play? Should I use a condom on the toe of the shoe next time?

—A Kick in The Ass

Usually, I advise people not to use ordinary objects (such as candles, kitchen utensils, wine bottles, or other household items) as sex toys. Because they were designed for other purposes, they can be less than ideal or downright dangerous to put in your own or someone else’s ass. That said, your description of shoe sex was so entertaining and hot that I don’t want to tell you to stop! You’re smart not to try the other end of the shoe, the sharp, pointy heel, because that could definitely cause some damage.

As far as safety goes, you have two options: you can designate one pair of shoes as your butt sex shoes; don’t wear them out, use them only on your girlfriend, and wash them in hot water and antibacterial soap; or if you want to wear the shoes outside the house or use them on different people, then you definitely need to use an extra large condom on the shoe each and every time. As long as the toe of the shoe is smooth (please no bows or buckles!), it should be fine; plus, it definitely can’t get lost in her as long as it’s on my foot. As they say, if the shoe fits…

Pleased As Piss

Sep 082001
 


I recently read one of your Anal Advisor columns where a reader had a question about urine enemas. A few years ago, I met this young woman in her late twenties who was totally uninhibited about sex. Before she met me, she wanted to do many things but her former husband wasn’t as adventurous. Before you knew it, there wasn’t anything that we wouldn’t try at least once.

One evening, we were sitting around drinking beer, and after a while, she wanted to know if I would suck her pussy while she peed. Immediately I was aroused and agreed. She sat back on the recliner, spread her legs, and I covered her pussy with my mouth. After a couple minutes, she started to pee. I thought she would never stop, but I vowed not to spill a drop. When she finished, she then wanted me to urinate in her ass. I had an erection, and after a little lubrication, I was in. She was on her hands and knees with her face down, and after part of my erection subsided, I began to pour inside her. She must have received more than she gave me, but she was moaning with pleasure and wanted me to climax insider her rear. After I peed, the erection came back and we both climaxed. We both thought it was the wildest best sex we ever had. There were not any problems afterwards.

—Pleased As Piss

Thank you so much for sharing that erotic treat with me and all your fellow readers. I love it when I hear such successful true-life anal tales! Several words of caution to all of you out there who are thinking of re-creating Pleased As Piss’s scenario. Remember that any substance you introduce into the rectum will be immediately absorbed into the bloodstream, and that includes anything contained in the urine, like medications, illegal drugs, or alcohol. Also: urine is a bodily fluid which can transmit STDs, Hepatitis, and HIV (if there is any blood in the urine), so please be tested, make sure your partner has been tested, and play safe, okay?

Ass Master Who Likes Golden Showers

May 192001
 


Help! Though the internet and your column have proved immeasurably helpful in providing the basic foundation of necessary information needed to explore my outrageously kinky side, I am having a difficult time with one specific area of interest. What are the health risks of pissing in someone’s ass? I have read wonderfully exciting accounts (fictional I’m sure) of this activity and cannot wait to explore it myself. But, I am also aware of the problems that can arise from not being well informed. Please, any help, advice, or referrals you can offer would be greatly appreciated. I promise to share the information with as many people as I can find to ensure that your words of wisdom have maximum benefit amongst the ass master population.

—Ass Master Who Likes Golden Showers

Thanks for sharing a common fantasy I hear about a lot. The first issue you’ve got to tackle is this: can you actually accomplish the act of peeing in someone’s ass? Lots of men find that when they have a rock-solid erection (which makes anal penetration much easier), they can’t piss. They need to soften up a bit so they can release their golden nectar. But depending on your cock, letting your hard-on go down a little may prevent you from penetrating your partner’s ass.

Once you’ve addressed that dilemma, now I can answer your questions about the potential risks. Contrary to popular belief, urine isn’t sterile, but it is very clean as far as bodily fluids go, even cleaner than spit. Peeing on someone or in someone’s ass is pretty low risk for the pisser, unless he has any cuts or open wounds on his cock. For the pissee, being peed on or in can be safe, with a few very big exceptions. Hepatitis B, cytomegalovirus (CMV), the genital herpes virus, chlamydia, and gonorrhea may be present in the urine of a person infected with any of these diseases and can be transmitted through the mucous membrane of the rectum or through any microscopic tears in the anal canal or rectum. There is no research (unfortunately) on HIV being transmitted through urine; however, it is possible for the virus to be present in urine, especially if there is blood in the urine.

Remember that whatever you put in a rectum will be instantaneously absorbed into the bloodstream, so a diluted version may be your best bet. And even so, you may get an upset stomach.

If you aren’t sure about your partner’s sexual history or STD and HIV status or your partner isn’t comfortable with getting your urine in her ass, you may want to consider some alternatives. You could pull out and pee on the outside of her body; there are still risks, but they are relatively low if she has no unbroken skin in the area. Be safe and have fun!

Cum Recipe

Oct 032000
 


I have a question about ejaculating dildos and butt plugs. I saw a “recipe” for cum that is made up of condensed milk, egg white and sugar. I want to use this in a ejaculating dildo. Is it safe to use this “cum” in my ass? Could this cause any medical problems?

—Jim

Well, Martha Stewart would certainly be proud that you are so enterprising! Ejaculating dildos and butt plugs are lots of fun; they give you the opportunity to experience shooting a hot load up your own ass or the rear of a friend. My first experience with a squirting dong came when I was sucking off a butch girl; she slammed her cock into my mouth, and at the same time squeezed her balls. Suddenly, a burst of fluid shot to the back of my throat, and the surprise alone made me soak the wood floor I was kneeling on!

I’ve heard that different people swear by different formulas for the perfect confection of fake jizz. The most important thing to keep in mind when getting out the measuring cups is that anything you put in your rectum will be automatically absorbed into your blood stream. A shot of sweet faux cum could leave you with a stomach ache. The one that you describe (made of condensed milk, egg white and sugar) creates an impressively life-like texture and aesthetic; if you were going for great visuals — a pop shot on someone’s mouth or tits, for example — that recipe would work well. If, however, your cum shot is meant to be an internal one, I would err on the side of caution and recommend that you simply use warm water. It will still feel quite real, and it is your safest choice healthwise.

Urine Enemas

Feb 252000
 

Are urine enemas the things of fiction writers or are they safe?

–Kevin in Australia

First, let’s talk about just what a urine enema is — or can be. You could fill a bag with your own urine (full strength or diluted with water) and give yourself an enema, or you could share your special golden potion with a friend. Remember that whatever you put in a rectum will be instantaneously absorbed into the bloodstream, so a diluted version may be your best bet. And even so, you may get an upset stomach. You could also penetrate someone with your dick, and pee inside their rectum, producing a brief, but less complicated piss douche. Some men cannot urinate when they have an erection, so then one would have to come, go soft, then pee. Other men I talked to claim they can pee while they are hard.

So how safe are all these water sports? Splash Alan, a contributing writer to Waterboys Magazine, says,

Piss is sterile. As long as you don’t have any urinary tract infections your urine is safe. Hell, back when I was a Navy corpsman we were instructed to always try and keep open battle wounds to the abdomen moist. If water wasn’t available the instructions were ‘piss on the battle dressings before application to the wound.’ What more can I say?

According to San Francisco Sex Information, urine isn’t necessarily sterile, but it is very clean as far as bodily fluids go, even cleaner than spit. Peeing on someone or in someone is relatively safe; being peed on or in can be safe, with a few exceptions. Hepatitis B, cytomegalovirus (CMV), the genital herpes virus, chlamydia, and gonorrhea may be present in the urine of a person infected with any of these diseases, says Dr. Beth Brown, a physician and advice columnist. Therefore, if infected urine comes into contact with broken skin or a mucous membrane (like the rectum), transmission and infection can occur. There is no evidence of HIV being transmitted through urine, however most sex educators will not say it is 100% safe.

I don’t know anyone who has actually given or received a urine enema, but I will keep asking for you, Kevin!

Wanted: Bigger Toys and Speculum

Aug 181999
 

My wife is 28 and I am 30; we have been married for three years. We are starting to get into anal sex. We have your book and want to experiment more — we even want to try fisting. Our problem is that we need more toys. The biggest plugs and dildos we can find are 2 1/4″ which feels like my max, but she thinks she can take more. Why is it that a big six foot man can only take a 2 1/4″ plug? Also, where can we get a speculum? Are there different ones for the ass and the vagina? How do you use it safely?

–Mr. G.

Wow, you’ve got a lot going on. I don’t know where you live, but I am assuming you’ve visited your local sex toy store and bought everything it’s sellin’. For more toys, I encourage you to check out two of the best sex toy purveyors in the world — Good Vibrations located in Berkeley and San Francisco  and Babeland in New York and Seattle. They both have an incredible selection of butt toys, from anal beads to high-quality silicone butt plugs and dildos by great manufacturers like Vixen Creations and Dils for Does. You may also want to check out some of the inflatable butt plugs and dildos on the market; you can go from slim to super with a few squeezes, making it a very versatile toy. As for the size issue, some of the lines of plugs and dongs marketed toward gay men seem to be of the size queen variety. Some of them are downright scary, even to Buttgirl.

So, it seems your wife can take a bigger plug than you, huh? Well, your height has little to do with how much you can stuff in your ass. My recommendation to you: practice, practice, practice.

As for your speculum request, you can find the disposable clear plastic kind and the metal re-usable type at medical supply stores (Babeland also carries them). Technically, a speculum is a speculum, and you should select a smallish one for anal use. If medical equipment and scenes are your fetish, you can also get some more expensive menacing-looking stainless steel speculums, and you can ask a medical supply house for an anal speculum. Make sure to use plenty of lubricant, insert the speculum slowly, and open it even slower.

 Older Entries  Newer Entries