Tristan Taormino

New York

Anal Advisor: Seeking Peace in Pennsylvania

Oct 242012
 

 

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about two years, and he loves anal sex. Before him, I had never experienced anal anything. I really enjoy it, too. However there are times that no matter how bad I want to have anal sex and no matter how excited and ready for it I am, as soon as he enters me, the pain is so great, I can’t handle it. Other times, after the initial entry the pain subsides with pure pleasure and I can’t get enough.

I really would like to know why those times I can’t handle it are so painful and what I can do to lessen the pain. How can it hurt when I am so turned on and begging for it? I end up disappointing my boyfriend because I can’t handle the pain. This only happens about once out of every five times, but it is very aggravating for both of us. We don’t have anal sex all the time, usually about three to four times a month. We have tried using lots of lube. We have also tried Anal Ease — all that does is make his cock numb and he can’t keep an erection. Muscle relaxers don’t even seem to work. I am desperate for answers and help.

–Seeking Peace in Pennsylvania

Forget Anal Ease, it will make your ass and his cock numb, and that’s no fun for anyone. I also think muscle relaxants are not a good idea. There seems to be a mind/body disconnect going on for you, since it sounds like you feel extremely turned on, but your ass is not on the same page. Are you working your way up to it? Since you say that initial penetration hurts (even during those times when it eventually subsides), it seems like you’re not doing any warm up. If he just sticks his dick in your ass, no matter how well-lubed his cock is, it’s most likely going to hurt. Because our asses just don’t work that way. Your ass needs to be coaxed and seduced before a penis barges in.

Your boyfriend should start with his mouth, tongue, or one finger. When you’re ready, add another finger or move on to a small dildo or butt plug. He should not progress to the next step until whatever he’s doing feels really good and the penetration is comfortable. My hunch is that if you take things at a slower pace, you will give your ass a chance to catch up with the rest of you.

Sex Out Loud Radio Show Hosted by Tristan Taormino Reaches One Million Downloads

Oct 232012
 

After less than five months on the air, “Sex Out Loud” hosted by Tristan Taormino has become the most popular show on the VoiceAmerica Talk Radio Network Variety Channel, with over 425,000 listeners in September alone. Plus, the show just reached an incredible milestone: one million downloads.

Sex Out Loud™ debuted on the Variety Channel of the VoiceAmerica Talk Radio Network on June 1, 2012, and become an instant hit. It airs live every Friday at 5:00 pm Pacific time and 8:00 pm Eastern time; in addition, fans can listen to the show on demand or download it as a podcast on the VoiceAmerica site and via iTunes. Each week, Taormino interviews fascinating guests and discusses all aspects of sexuality from health and education to non- monogamy to porn to sexual politics. Past guests have included Emmy-award winning creator of “It Gets Better” Dan Savage, renowned sexual culture critic Susie Bright, groundbreaking gender outlaw Kate Bornstein, and feminist pundit Jessica Valenti.

Before the end of the year, Tristan will talk to more leaders, educators, and icons on the cutting edge of sexuality, including: Kandi Burruss, star of The Real Housewives of Atlanta, on the eve of the fifth season premiere of the hit reality show; legendary adult performer and sexual freedom activist Nina Hartley; Cindy Gallop, creator of MakeLoveNotPorn.tv, who has been profiled by major media outlets like The New York Times and The Jeff Probst Show; and David Ley, outspoken psychologist and author of The Myth of Sex Addiction.

Sex Out Loud is sponsored by award-winning retailer The Smitten Kitten, leading lubricant brand Astroglide, and bestselling sex toy company We-Vibe.

“Tristan Taormino’s show is so popular that it has surpassed the listenership of every other show on the Variety Channel,” says Karen Dana, Executive Producer of Sex Out Loud. “We are so thrilled that she’s a part of the VoiceAmerica Network, and look forward to celebrating the next million downloads with her.” For information or other show details contact Executive Producer Karen Dana atkaren.dana@voiceamerica.com or 480-628-5752.

Ask The Intern: What’s the Best Way to Clean Toys?

Oct 182012
 

 

I work at a lingerie/novelty store and we sell toy cleaners. We have customers ask us all the time if they can just use soap and water, but we tell them that the soap can leave behind soap scum and if they use soap with alcohol in it, it can damage the material of some of the toys. Are toy cleaners really best for toys, or is soap and water just fine?

Cleaning protocol depends on the material and structure of the toy. Soap and water and sex toy cleaner are both fairly universal options. However, the perk of the cleaner is that, unlike regular antibacterial soap, it is designed with your toy and your genitals in mind. Also, a number of cleaners do not need water, meaning that you can tidy up without leaving the comfort of your bed/couch/floor/sling/etc.

Here’s the down-low on how to keep your down-low (and the various types of toys that venture there) bacteria-free:

Jelly Rubber/Soft Plastic: These toys are generally porous, so much so that you can sometimes see little bubbles on the surface. Bacteria and dirt love setting up shop in these warm crevices. As a result, they are impossible to sterilize. However, even though complete sterilization is not an option, removing the debris, lube, and bodily fluids post-use is a must! Wash with warm water and antibacterial soap or with a sex toy cleaner.

CyberSkin: Most thermal plastic toys involve a multi-step cleaning process. You begin by rinsing the toy in warm water (NO SOAP) and letting it air dry. Once dry, douse the toy in cornstarch (the cornstarch prevents the toy from attracting debris) and place it somewhere away from other toys. Why the separate storage? Many materials melt when placed alongside thermal plastic. Keep in mind that not all thermal plastics have the same cleaning protocol, so make sure to read the instructions that come with the toy. Also, like its jelly rubber and soft plastic peers, CyberSkin is porous, meaning that it can never be fully sterilized.

Silicone (my personal favorite): Silicone is non-porous, thus making it a wonderful material for sex toys. Products made from silicon can be cleaned using hot water and antibacterial soap or a toy cleaner. Silicon toys that do not have batteries or an electrical system can also be boiled or placed in the top shelf on a dishwasher. When storing your toy, remember that silicone often acts as a magnet to dust, lint, and debris, so it is best to place in a clean location (a small, silky bag works best).

Hard Plastic: The specific make-up of hard plastics depends on the toy. Some are porous. Some are not. Unless the toy clearly states that it made from medical grade, non-porous plastic, assume that it cannot be sterilized. To clean, use warm water and antibacterial soap or a toy cleaner. Never boil or put in the dishwasher, as this can ruin the material.

Non-Porous, Rigid Materials (including glass and metal toys): These toys can be boiled, placed in the dishwasher, scrubbed with hot water and soap, or disinfected with a toy cleaner. Plus, they can be sterilized.

Last (but not least) always remember to use condoms when sharing toys that cannot be sterilized.
~~~

Abby Spector is a recent graduate of Wesleyan University, where she majored in Feminist/Gender/Sexuality Studies. She is currently interning for Tristan, a job that allows her to write about sex, research feminist porn, and play with dogs (among other, equally awesome things). When she isn’t working, Abby enjoys comfortable nudity and salty foods. Her dream? A world where she could sit around naked and eat overly-salted french fries. Her blog is Sexy Awkward Times.

Anal Advisor: So Not Trying To Have A Butt Baby

Oct 162012
 

My paramour seems to be preoccupied (to say the least) with the idea of anal sex. We’ve tried before a couple times, none of which ended well. I blame it on my own trust issues and the lack of lube. But it’s been a while and I’m feeling better (and braver) about it all. I recently read something about the possibility of semen finding its way from your anus to your vagina and impregnating you. I need to know if I’m gonna have to consider a contraceptive before allowing my beloved to go-a-spelunking in my magic cave without a raincoat! I’d hate to have to explain to my kid someday that he or she was conceived by mommy and daddy getting freaky in the butt!

–So Not Trying To Have A Butt Baby

First let me say that I am pleased that you’re willing to give anal another try — I promise you that lube will go a long way to making it a lot better! If I only received a question like yours once a year, I’d chalk it up to an ill-informed young person or an Internet jokester. But, believe it or not, I get at least one question about becoming pregnant from anal sex nearly every day. So let me reassure you that you’re not the only one who’s heard this rumor or is concerned about it.

Technically, the scenario you pose is possible, but it’s very, very unlikely and improbable. Semen would have to drip out of your ass and into your pussy and survive the transfer outside the body (sperm cannot live very long when exposed to air). Then, a cock or finger or toy would have to push the semen inside, so it had a shot at getting close to the cervix, through the cervix, into the uterus and fallopian tubes. It’s a long journey and beginning in another place doesn’t help matters for those poor sperm.

If you are seriously concerned but want to go condom-free, I recommend taking a few precautions. Have your partner ejaculate in your butt in a position where gravity is working in your favor, like missionary or spooning. As soon as he pulls out, make sure to have a baby wipe handy to catch any dribble and prevent it from migrating toward your puss. Use another baby wipe and give yourself a full swipe from front to back. That ought to cover you!

Oct 19: Renowned Sex Therapist Dr. Marty Klein on Sexual Intelligence, Sex Therapy, and Listener Questions

Oct 152012
 

This Friday on Sex Out Loud I talk to renowned sex therapist and author Dr. Marty Klein about his latest book, Sexual Intelligence: What We Really Want From Sex and How To Get It. He’ll share some of the book’s provocative prescriptions for a better sex life, and talk about why he writes that sex technique workshops aren’t helpful. Through his extensive therapy practice, Dr. Klein will reveal what his clients have taught him about sex. Then he’ll answer listener questions submitted especially for this episode on topics including low sex drive, erotic incompatibility, rape fantasies, and erectile dysfunction. Listen to see if he answers yours!

Dr. Marty Klein has been a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Certified Sex Therapist for 31 years. He has aimed his entire career toward a single set of goals: telling the truth about sexuality, helping people feel sexually adequate & powerful, and supporting the healthy sexual expression and exploration of women and men.

Marty pursues his goal of a sexually enlightened world through therapy, lectures, writing, lobbying, media, and forensic (courtroom) work.

Marty has authored over 100 articles in publications such as Parents, New Woman, and Playboy, as well as San Francisco Medicine, the California Therapist, and the Journal of Homosexuality. He is a former contributing editor to The New Physician, American Baby, and Modern Bride, and he is quoted every year in dozens of national publications and websites, such as The New Yorker and Huffington Post.

Marty has written six books:

Your Sexual Secrets: When to Keep Them, When & How to Tell
Ask Me Anything: Dr. Klein Answers the Sex Questions You’d Love To Ask
Beyond Orgasm: Dare to be Honest About the Sex You Really Want
Let Me Count the Ways: Great Sex Beyond Intercourse
America’s War On Sex: The Attack on Law, Lust, & Liberty
Sexual Intelligence: What We Really Want From Sex, And How to Get It

His books have been acclaimed by everyone from USA Today and The California Therapist to Penn & Teller and the Playboy Advisor. Published in eleven languages, his books have been excerpted in national magazines, and cited in the popular and professional press. Marty also has chapters in several professional books, such as The Handbook of Clinical Child Psychology and Treating Sexual Disorders.

A popular guest on the electronic media, Marty has been featured on radio in over 100 cities, and on national TV programs like 20/20 and Nightline. His blog is widely quoted, and his electronic newsletter, Sexual Intelligence, goes to 5,000 subscribers every month.

Marty is that rare professional: truly expert in his subject, comfortable on live TV and in front of audiences, and extremely funny. His wit and expertise make him a frequently-quoted expert appearing in Newsweek, the New York Times, and even Ann Landers.

A tireless speaker, Marty has given over 700 keynote speeches, training programs, and popular lectures to groups including the American College of Surgeons, First Amendment Lawyers’ Association, Lutheran Family & Children’s Services, Miami Women’s Hospital, National Association of Social Workers, Planned Parenthood Federation of America, California Association of Marriage & Family Therapists, American Library Association, Stanford University Medical School, and over 50 colleges across the country.

Marty’s accomplishments are also recognized abroad: he has trained professionals in two dozen countries, including China, Turkey, India, Israel, Morocco, Croatia, and Russia. He has been given honorary membership in a variety of international professional associations.

Marty fights for the sexual rights of all Americans through his legal and courtroom work. He has been an expert witness, consultant, or invited plaintiff in many state and federal censorship, internet, and obscenity cases.

Known and respected by his colleagues, Marty has been elected a national board member of the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality. Marty has also been honored by the California Association of Marriage & Family Therapists. His book America’s War On Sex was honored as Book of the Year by the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, & Therapists.

As a clinician, Marty works each week with couples and individuals who have a variety of sexual and non-sexual difficulties–over 30,000 sessions since 1980. He also provides consultations to other therapists, and supervises their cases. Marty lives in Northern California with his wife, cactus garden, and enormous collection of rock ‘n’ roll albums.

You can read Marty’s books in the following editions:

  • Chinese
  • Croatian
  • French
  • German
  • Indonesian
  • Italian
  • Polish
  • Portugese
  • Russian
  • Spanish

You can read Marty’s articles in these publications:

  • American Baby
  • American Journal of Sexuality Education
  • The California Therapist
  • Contemporary Sexuality
  • Forum
  • Healthline
  • Journal of Homosexuality
  • Journal of Sex Research
  • Mademoiselle
  • McCalls
  • Men’s Fitness
  • Men’s Guide to Fashion
  • Men’s Health
  • Men’s Journal
  • Modern Bride
  • Muscle Media
  • New Age Journal
  • The New Physician
  • New Woman
  • Parents
  • Playboy
  • San Francisco Medicine
  • The SIECUS Report
  • West
  • Weight Watchers

E! Entertainment wants to talk to real-life kinksters!

Oct 112012
 

E! Entertainment is producing a one-hour special about the real stories behind the “50 Shades of Grey” phenomenon.  They are profiling people who live the BDSM lifestyle, from engineers to housewives and shedding light on what has been largely an underground culture.  Among others, they are looking for stories about:  A) Someone who is going to “come out” to family or friend or workplace and willing to let us shoot that moment.  B)  Someone who has decided to enter the BDSM relationship (not just dabble) for the FIRST TIME.  C)  A story about a break up (not horror story) – we’ve been told that a breakup from a BDSM relationship is more emotionally intense in some ways because of the deep level of intimacy.  D)  A story about a male submissive.

They are looking for people who can speak very articulately and thoughtfully about their lifestyle and experiences.  They may be able to offer anonymity for anyone (except the “coming out” story).  If you or anyone you know may be interested, please contact Producer, Kyung Yu via email at KSunYu@comcastnets.com. [EDIT: e-mail address had a typo, it’s now been corrected.]

 

Anal Advisor: Curious About Anatomy

Oct 102012
 

I know the ass is sensitive, but how many nerve endings are there in the ass? Is it the same in guys and girls? And are the “good feeling nerves” located in the sphincter or the rectum?

–Curious About Anatomy

The anus (the anal opening), the anal canal (the first few inches inside), and the rectum are all sensitive in different ways, which is why anal stimulation and penetration can be so pleasurable. The external and internal sphincter muscles surround the anal opening. These muscles can work together or independently of each other, and these are the muscles we must learn to relax in order to achieve comfortable anal penetration. When we talk about the sphincter and pelvic muscles and how they play a role in anal pleasure, we discuss them less in terms of sensitivity and more in terms of how tone and “in shape” they are and how tense or relaxed they are. The anus and the outer part of the anal canal are made of the same sensitive soft tissue and this tissue contains the most concentration of nerve endings of all our anal anatomy. In general, this tissue tends to be more sensitive to touch and vibration. The inner part of the anal canal and the rectum are mucous membrane and have a lot less nerve endings; however this tissue is much more sensitive to pressure (like from penetration).

Men and women have nearly identical anorectal anatomy except for one important difference: men have a prostate gland, which can be stimulated directly via anal penetration. The prostate gland surrounds part of a man’s urethra; it’s behind the pubic bone, below the bladder and above the base of the penis. A mass of muscle, glands, and connective tissue, the prostate is about the size and shape of a walnut; it produces ejaculatory fluid that combines with sperm and fluid from the seminal vesicles to create male ejaculate. Men can experience direct prostate stimulation when they are anally penetrated. It can be found by sliding a finger (or toy) about one to two inches inside a man’s ass and aiming toward the front of his body.

While women don’t have a prostate, but we do have a G-spot and can experience indirect G-spot stimulation through anal penetration. The G-spot is the urethral sponge which sits around the urethra; to find it, slip a finger inside her vagina an inch to an inch and a half and toward the front of her body. The G-spot can be stimulated through the front wall of the vagina or indirectly though anal sex.

April Flores and Carlos Batts on Art, Porn, Love, BBWs, and Their New Film

Oct 082012
 


This Friday, October 12th, on Sex Out Loud I talk to model and performer April Flores and photographer and filmmaker Carlos Batts as part of my “Live in LA” series recorded in studio in Los Angeles. This dynamic duo in art and life reveals how they first met and what fuels their erotic collaborations. Carlos talks about his body of work, why he loves to make art, and the exhibit inspired by the sex toy molded from April’s vagina. April will discuss her role as a plus-size model in the adult industry, what she thinks of the term BBW, and her Feminist Porn Award for Heartthrob of the Year. They will also give us a insider’s look at their newest film, April Flores World.

April Flores is a muse, erotic performer, and model, but that’s not even scratching the surface. A fearless BBW star with scarlet hair, proponent of the queer community, feminist, sex-positive activist, outspoken advocate of body diversity, glamorous art model, avid kink fan, sub and dom both, and all around powerful woman. April has graced the covers of Bizarre and AVN Magazines, among others; modeled for dozens of fine art photographers; Featured Guest & Co Host Espanol on Playboy Sirius/XM Radio; appeared in countless adult films in every genre of the porn industry (from mainstream to queer to kinky to artsy); and spoken out about body image through her mere presence and powerful sexuality, along with her activism.

 Carlos Batts is an award winning; Artist, Photographer and Director. Batts’ artwork has appeared on book covers, fashion magazines, comic books and motion pictures. Carlos has three internationally distributed hardbound coffee table books; Wild Skin, Crazy Sexy Hollywood and American Gothic that document a wide variety of sub-cultures. Batts has directed independent art films; American Gothic, Voluptuous Biker Babes, and April Flores World that are distributed through various mainstream outlets. Born in Baltimore, Batts now lives and creates in Hollywood with his Muse, April Flores.

Review of Roving Pack by Sassafras Lowrey

Oct 072012
 

 

[Attention folks near NYC! This Friday, October 12th, 2012, there will be a book release party for Roving Pack at Bluestockings. Details after the review. ]

Roving Pack, the debut novel of writer Sassafras Lowrey, follows a year in the life of Click, a trans kid in Portland navigating the meaning of family, love, longing, and belonging within circles of queer homeless and transient youth. The novel gives voice to a sea of characters that ring so true and familiar to those heard in our queer lives , but are so rarely depicted on LGBT pages. Click’s story begins with a heartbreak and keeps them coming; we follow along in the search to find a stable home for Click’s pack made up of daddies, boys, dogs, cats, and rats (with an occasional femme*) that come and go from Click’s life with the blazing hot intensity that often accompanies our exploration of new adult desires. Click’s sexual desires are honestly depicted by Lowrey in way that is deeply validating – this book fiercely shows the hotness, the complications, and the everyday details of leather and BDSM, as well as transitioning and genderqueer living – but the similarly complicated desires of home and loyalty are the main focus of Click’s story. Every moment is an opportunity for a character to disappoint or surprise both us and Click.

Roving Pack is told in the first-person by Click, with a blend of public online journals, inner friend filters, and the private diary. For those of us who came through the early-adopter Livejournal years, this book is like being included on EVERY filter, and seeing as much in the public face Click presented for the sake of loyalty as you do the private pains of difficult love. This intimate voice pulls you immediately inside the vividly depicted communities of trans and queer youth in Portland and the book soon becomes a compulsive read that quietly devastates you all the way to the end. Immediately upon turning the final page, I missed Click. I still want to hit refresh on my browser to see if another post will appear. And while steeped in contemporary culture and online narrative styles, the novel also reminded me of the smart and ragged intensity of Sarah Schulman’s early novels about dykes and fags in 90s NYC. There’s a universality to Click’s desire to belong, as well as the wish for home and looking for it within the faces of our queer loved ones who are supposed to understand us more than any one else in the world. There is also a shared devastation in those moments when our new queer families let us down. Roving Pack is an emotionally difficult read at times, but I couldn’t turn away from Click, nor from Lowrey’s elegantly rough and direct storytelling. Ze’s writing pairs the passion and authenticity of Click’s voice with sharp observations and strong narrative momentum.

*This book is for every member of the pack, though femmes be warned, Click and various other characters are very butch- and fag-centric, so there are occasionally some opinionated moments of ignorance. While they made me wince, they also felt true to the characters and the community.

~~~~~

Please join us at the official NYC release event for “Roving Pack” to celebrate the publication of this highly anticipated debut novel by Sassafras Lowrey (editor of Kicked Out)

OCTOBER 12, 2012
Bluestockings Bookstore – 172 Allen St. NYC
7pm

 

~~~~~

A. Raymond Johnson is a writer, shiatsuist, DJ, and karaoke aficionado. He received his MFA in Fiction from Antioch University in Los Angeles and has been awarded writing residencies at Ragdale and Millay Colony for his novels-in-progress. He has blogged since 2000, including at Out Magazine’s Popnography and I Fry Mine In Butter. His short story “Tammy Faye” is part of the upcoming book, The Collection (Topside Press, 2012).

 

Watch, Read, Listen: Talking to Cunning Minx, plus a sample of Cine y Sexo in Mexico City

Oct 052012
 

  • I also did a two-part interview with Cunning Minx for her fabulous podcast, Poly Weekly. The first half of the interview is HERE and then part two is HERE.
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