Anal Lovers in Delaware

Apr 022004
 

My girlfriend and I like anal sex a lot, and we always talk dirty about using anal beads when we are doing it. I have no doubt she wants me to get them, but I am curious about a couple things. Are there anal beads for first timers? What do they do exactly? Is there a guide on how to use them? How can we use them so she gets the most pleasure out of the experience?

–Anal Lovers in Delaware

Anal beads come in a variety of styles. The beads can be made of hard plastic or rubber, and there can be anywhere from five to ten attached by a string that runs through them. The string is usually made of cotton or nylon, and the beads can be all the same size or they can graduate in size. I caution you when shopping for this particular kind of toy, since there are lots of cheaply made anal beads on the market. Avoid hard plastic beads with obvious seams that feel sharp to the touch of the finger — they will irritate the delicate lining of the rectum; some people may also find that the knots in the string between beads feel uncomfortable inside the ass. Remember that nearly all beads on any kind of string may be cleaned but not disinfected, so it’s not a good idea to share anal beads with others. There are other toys, made of rubber or silicone, that have designs which are reminiscent of anal beads, but are one continuous piece without any string. These are much easier to clean (although remember that only silicone is non-porous) and are generally more comfortable.

For first timers, I recommend you pick small beads, and gradually work your way up to larger sizes if you discover you like them. As for the how-to, here goes: for some people, the moment when the sphincter muscles relax and allow for that first moment of pleasurable penetration is incredibly hot. With anal beads, you can experience that first-penetration feeling over and over, since the muscles open to accommodate the bead, then close around it, then open for the next bead, and so on. You should slip one well-lubed bead at a time in your girlfriend’s ass. Once they are all in (or as many are in as she wants), you can (slowly!) pull the entire string of beads out, creating an entirely different, but equally intense, sensation. Some folks like this grand exit to happen when they feel close to orgasm, in order to push them over the edge; others like to wait until they are coming to intensify the climax. You can also keep them in until after you’ve come. Like any other toy, experiment and find out what works best for you.

Pleasure With My Probe

Mar 202004
 

I just started having anal sex with my girlfriend. We did it the first time with lots of lube and I was able to get the entire shaft inside her with little to no pain. She told me that she could feel the fullness but she got no pleasure or pain from it. She said that if I wanted to do it again later it would be no problem since it does not hurt her; however, I would like for her to get some pleasure out of it. I cannot touch her vagina with my fingers because she is very ticklish there. If you have any suggestions, I would appreciate it them.

–Pleasure With My Probe

Bravo to you for realizing that anal sex should be pleasurable for both people involved. My suggestion is that you add some clitoral stimulation to the mix. While you are doing her ass, rub her clit, or, if it’s easier, have her do it herself. You could also use a vibrator for more intense, focused sensation. Many women (me included!) love the combination of clitoral and anal stimulation, and lots of girls say that they don’t experience pleasure from anal penetration without something on their clit.

I’m not sure what to make of your girlfriend’s ticklish pussy. That sounds more psychological than physical to me. Perhaps it’s a reaction to her feeling shy about receiving pleasure; if that’s the case, then you should encourage her to relax and give herself permission to experience being touched and pleasured. Or, it could be that when she’s turned on, her genitals become super-sensitive, and stimulation of any kind feels overwhelming. Then, try softer, more indirect kinds of stimulation, like rubbing her clit from one side, rather than directly on top.

Shaved and Ready

Mar 132004
 

I recently got very into anal sex. Before it just never worked, but now I’m with a guy who knows what he’s doing, and it’s great. I have two questions. I recently shaved my butthole for the first time, and it got a bit itchy. What kind of lotion to you recommend to help it from being too itchy? Second, my guy was interested in buying that new KY Warming Liquid, but I heard it’s bad for anal. Have you used it? What do you think? Does it burn or is it safe?

–Shaved and Ready

Welcome to the world of anal sex lovers! Your tale proves that with a patient, skilled lover, even people who’ve had negative anal experiences in the past can enjoy it. I’m so glad you found someone who could do you like you deserve to be done! As for your shaved-butt-itchy ass, I recommend you use products with no fragrance, dye, or a long lists of other chemical ingredients since all of them will serve to further aggravate your hairless hole. A little bit of witch hazel should calm the irritated skin, followed by baby oil, petroleum jelly, or a very gentle moisturizer for sensitive skin.

As for your query about KY Warming Liquid, here’s the scoop: this is a new lubricant produced by a well-respected name when it comes to slippery stuff. KY Warming Liquid is water-based and the packaging claims it “creates a gentle warming sensation on contact.” Off all the reviews I’ve heard, none has been very great; people describe the effect as either too subtle or intense burning, neither of which sound very good to me. The product contains honey and chemicals to create the warming sensation, which can irritate the sensitive tissue of both the front and back doors. If you like the KY brand, then I recommend you try KY UltraGel; otherwise, water-based thick lubes like Astroglide Gel, Maximus, or I-D work great.

Butt Buffet Boy

Feb 242004
 

My girlfriend has a severe anal sex fetish. She prefers it over vaginal intercourse. Fortunately, I don’t mind it one bit. We’ve done some ass-to-mouth stuff, since we are monogamous and STD-free. I’d like to experiment eating food out of her anus — either food shoved partially into the anus or food that has been completely inserted and then pushed out. I’m wondering what food products would be safe for this, since I don’t want anything to get stuck up there. So I’m looking for something that would be semi-rigid, but would also melt or dissolve if it got lost. I was thinking about things like M&Ms (the non-peanut variety) and other chocolate things, but I can only stomach so much chocolate.

–Butt Buffet Boy

Usually I advise people against sticking food in their ass, since food items are not sex toys and are better left in the kitchen. But you seem pretty invested in this food fantasy, so I’ll suspend my anti-food stance for this response. But before I go there, I just have to say that what you describe is an interesting twist on one of the most taboo desires in the world: scat play. Scat play involves people defecating into other people’s mouths, eating shit, and generally eroticizing it. It sounds to me that you like the idea of stuff coming out of your girlfriend’s ass, even stuff that resembles what typically comes out of our asses (you suggested chocolate, not me), but you want it to be previously undigested.

As long as you take care to insert your chosen edibles just inside the anus and not too far up, there’s no great danger of soft or small foods getting lost. What goes in will inevitably come out. You should avoid foods like jalapeno peppers, seeded breadsticks, and others that are spicy, abrasive, or could break into sharp-edged pieces, which could all irritate the delicate rectal tissue. Also stay away from salami or sausages, since nitrites used for preserving meat aren’t good for you. I’m glad to hear that you’ve both been tested for STDs, but it’s probably still a good idea if your girlfriend has an enema a few hours before your feast, since her ass contains bacteria that may be fine in the lower intestine, but may cause problems if you ingest it.

Perplexed About Her Butt

Feb 172004
 

I thought you might be able to shed some light on a long time unanswered question. About two years ago, I was a having a sexual relationship with a woman. The sex was mind-blowing and we were very sexually compatible. Probably one of the best compatibility I have had with a partner. One evening while having vaginal sex, I was penetrating her from behind. Just before she was about to have an explosive, gushing orgasm, her ass expanded to about the size of a baseball, or maybe a bit bigger, and then contracted again. I had never experienced this before with another woman, and subsequently never had. She did enjoy anal sex, but I didn’t even touch her ass on that occasion. Any ideas?

–Perplexed About Her Butt

No worries! You may have witnessed one of two things, and since I wasn’t actually there when your girl’s ass amazed you, I’ll explain both possibilities.

First, there’s a chance that her asshole was gaping with delight. Usually, this happens after an intense session of ass pounding when a woman’s ass has gotten open and relaxed. When all is said and done, it can achieve the gape, which you often see in porn. You admit that you didn’t deliver any buttfucking that time, but it is still possible, if rare, that her ass was relaxed enough during her orgasm that she’d get a gape.

Another scenario is one that looks even more dramatic. When a woman begins to orgasm, especially if she’s a gusher (as you described your girlfriend is), she often she bears down. And this bearing down can cause an effect in certain women where the rectal tissue actually pushes briefly outside the body. It looks almost like a rose, with multiple layers. I have actually experienced this phenomenon with one of my lovers, and although it was shocking to see, it’s really okay.

Liar, Liar, Ass on Fire?

Feb 102004
 

Have you heard of figging? Do you think it’s safe to do? My submissive and I are headed to a party next week where figging is to be the central theme. Any information you could provide would be very useful.

–Liar, Liar, Ass on Fire?

For readers who may not know what it is, let me begin with a definition. Rumored to have been practiced as early as the Victorian era (they were so kinky!), figging involves sticking a ginger root up someone’s (or your own) ass, and most people I know do it in the context of a BDSM scene. The idea is that the ginger illicits an intense, long-lasting burning sensation in the sensitive, delicate tissue of the rectum. I’ve heard of some Dominants who insert the root into a submissive’s ass before a spanking, paddling, or caning. The longer the root is inside the butt, and the more blood that rushes to the area, the stronger the burning. Plus, any kind of movement — including clenching the sphincter muscle s– increases the fiery feeling.

This is not an activity for anal play novices or people with extra-sensitive behinds. I consider it an internal form of genitorture; if your bottom enjoys sensation play like ice cubes or metholated sports creams on her pussy lips or her anus, figging takes this “torture” one step further. Plus, you should not use creams like Ben Gay or Icy Hot inside the pussy or ass. While some bottoms say that figging feels warm and tingly like the creams, most report that the sensation is ten times more intense.

There are a few safety tips that go along with this practice. You should begin with a fresh, whole ginger piece (also called a hand), and peel off the brown rough skin before slicing a “finger” to use for penetration. Because it obviously does not have a flared base (and therefore could get lost in the ass), select the largest piece you can find, and either carve out your own shape with a base or attach a string to it in order to make it easy to retrieve. After handling a peeled root, you shouldn’t touch your eyes or your slave’s eyes. Some figging fans say that lube can seal in the moisture and prevent it from releasing, thereby defeating the purpose, but you know my stance on lube: you need it! Other than those precautions, as with all perverted activities, use your common sense.

Slave Butt in Training

Jan 162004
 

My Master wants to give me anal training so that I can take a lot of use that way. I am not a virgin, but it has been some time since I have had any anal contact. What would be the best way to do this? He thought that putting a butt plug in me for five minutes twice a day would do it. I have tried this, but have only had problems with it. Perhaps it’s the plug. I am not sure what the plug is made of — it’s a hard-but-flexible plastic on the outside with a different type of plastic on the inside. It hurts when I stick it in, and that’s not helping my ass get properly trained. What should I do?

–Slave Butt in Training

Your Master has the right idea: anal training is a great way to mentally reinforce the Dominant/submissive dynamic as well as physically prepare your ass for extended anal play. I, too, use butt plugs as part of my anal training regimen.

The method I think that works best is to set up a plan for a bottom, where he or she gradually increases a number of elements. First, start with a very small plug and wear it for fifteen minutes. Continue to wear the small plug each day, adding fifteen minutes to the ritual. After a week, switch to a butt plug that’s slightly bigger, and start back at the fifteen minute mark, working your way up for another week. With each week, increase the size of the plug and the duration that you are wearing it. When you reach a large plug, with each new week, instead of changing the size, just up the amount of time you wear it. Use plenty of lube, and, if your Master allows it, play with your clit to make the experience more pleasurable (this will also relax your entire genital region and help you take more for longer). If it still hurts, honor your body’s response and go back down to the smaller sized plug, staying with it until you feel ready for more.

As for the type of plug, toys made partially or entirely of hard plastic aren’t a good idea for anal novices or the beginning of training. I recommend something soft and flexible made of either latex, vinyl, or silicone. Once you’re a pro, then you can move on to bigger, harder, heavier toys.

Plugged-up Slave

Dec 112003
 

My Mistress would like me to wear a butt plug daily. I’ve agreed to a small one, but she really wants me to wear a large one because she thinks that a bigger plug will make me more submissive to her. Is it possible and harmless?

–Plugged-up Slave

Wearing a butt plug every day is possible and harmless, as long as you use plenty of lube, and you warm up your ass with fingers or a smaller toy first. You should be aware of a butt plug, but it should not feel uncomfortable or painful at all. If you plan to wear it for several hours, you should work your way up in small increments in order to allow your body time to adjust to the new activity; in other words, if you’ve only ever had a plug in for fifteen minutes, don’t try it for four hours. As to the matter of your level of submissiveness, only you and your Mistress can really answer that. A bigger plug may make you more aware of your ass, and, by extension, help you focus on your dedication and service to your Mistress. But the size of a butt plug alone does not affect one’s level of submission — bigger does not always inspire better.

Jonesin’ for Jewels

Dec 052003
 

I am very aroused by the anal jewelry worn by one of the actresses in Evil Angel’s The Fashionistas. I would like to get something like that for my girlfriend, but the only ones I can find start at around $75. This is a little bit much for a broke college student. Are there any alternatives that come to mind which are cheaper and safe?

–Jonesin’ for Jewels

I assume that the ones you found are Rosebuds Erotic Jewelry by designer Julian Snelling. Based in France, Snelling creates truly unique butt plugs made of stainless steel or bronze; each base is crafted with precious metals and semi-precious stones (like amethyst and malachite) to look like jewelry. When you slide the plug inside someone’s ass and all that remains is the base, the effect is kind of like a pierced ear but for your butt! It’s like wearing a work of art in your ass. No one has even tried to copy Snelling, so unfortunately there aren’t any cheap Snelling knock-offs.

If an artsy anal plug is what you’re after, lots of silicone sex toy manufacturers have risen to the call: Vixen Creations makes its Buddy plug in sparkly sliver, gold, or pink glitter; Tantus has stunning metallic colored plugs; and there are several other multi-colored swirled anal toys.

I Have an Anal-Crazed Girlfriend

Nov 182003
 

My girlfriend is a bit crazy for anal. When we’re out shopping at the mall, in broad daylight, with no concern for who hears her, she’ll say something like “I’d like that up my ass.” She will say this about video game controllers, sports equipment, household appliances, children’s toys — you name it. I think she gets a kick out of this. I just imagine the look on people’s faces when they overhear it, and I cringe. It’s embarrassing! She just doesn’t care. Would you recommend threatening to take away anal from her? Should I just end the anal ritual altogether? Or, God forbid, should I fuck her ass so hard that she never wants to do it again?

–I Have an Anal-Crazed Girlfriend

I can’t decide why I chose to answer your letter: to illustrate that I receive some of the best letters in the sex advice business or to indulge you because you might just be fucking with me! I’m going to embrace the former, and assume that your girlfriend’s behavior is, in fact, an issue.

First, all the men out there who can’t get their wives to agree to anal play at all are reading this and shouting out loud, “Dude! I wish I had your problems!” Count your blessings that you have not just a willing, but a clearly enthusiastic, anal sex partner.

It sounds to me like your girlfriend is not simply “anal crazed,” but she’s also a verbal exhibitionist: she enjoys saying bold, sexually suggestive things in public, and she wants those around her to hear her and be shocked. There is only one potential problem with this situation: there are many public places where it’s really inappropriate for her to talk her tushy trash, especially when she’s within earshot of children. Threatening to “take away anal” or actually doing that will only fuel her bratty inner-schoolgirl and hurting her during anal sex is just mean and stupid. Let her know that her explicit public chat bothers you, but also offer a solution: encourage her to save all her naughty little ideas for when you get into bed, where she can whisper them to you or shout them out loud. In that erotic context, you too will probably get off on her mouthing off. If she can’t keep her thoughts to herself the next time you go out, then a spanking and a gag are in order.

 Older Entries  Newer Entries