How to Get Writing Published

Sep 012000
 

I’ve been told that I am a great writer many times by friends and strangers who have read my short stories. I was wondering, how do I go about getting my works published? I’m not sure where I should begin to showcase my talents.

You should start by finding as many web sites, publications, email lists, and books that list calls for submissions. I don’t know what kinds of stories you write, so I can’t give you specific places to look, but there are writers associations on the Web, magazines like Poets & Writers, and lots of guides and lists with calls for submissions. Research what kinds of publications—sites, magazines, anthologies, etc.—have published work like yours, and find out if they take unsolicited submissions. Sometimes you have to write a query letter first; other times, you can send a manuscript right off the bat. Be sure to follow the call for submissions or the writer’s guidelines; as an editor, I get so frustrated when people don’t follow the simplest instructions (like, no email submissions, or enclose a self-addressed stamped envelope). Take the plunge, and send your work out into the world!

Loss of Bowel Control

Aug 212000
 


My husband and I have been together for over 18 years and we have an amazing sex life. We love to explore and try new things. The only thing we haven’t tried is anal sex. I’ve always been a little bit nervous about trying anal. Lately, I’ve been contemplating it more because I’m curious. And it’s sort of exciting, trying something that we haven’t done before. Does anal sex cause problems later on? Will I have control over my movements as I do now? Will it affect my tissues in any negative ways?

—Dee Anne

First of all, congratulations on such a long and pleasurable partnership — may you be an inspiration to couples everywhere!

Your questions about negative side effects from anal sex are very common ones. Let me assure you that if you do it right — go slow, have lots of warm up, use plenty of lubrication, and start out with something small — anal sex is not going to cause you any problems later in life. Being able to take something in your ass requires relaxation of the sphincter muscles, and like any other form of exercise, the more you use those muscles, the better shape they will be in.

No, you will not lose control of your bowels; in fact, you may even have better bowel control once you begin getting fucked in the ass since you’ll be more in touch with that area of your body and more aware of your muscle control. The tissue of the rectum is quite sensitive and delicate and does take extra care; however, as long as you don’t rush penetration, as long as you listen to your body and stop if it hurts, you will not damage the tissue in any way. Anal sex can be a healthy, positive, pleasurable part of your erotic life. Take it one step at a time!

Rimming Fears

Aug 132000
 


My girlfriend wants me to kiss and lick her anus. I find this difficult because I was raised by strict Catholic parents who taught me that shit is dirty. I sniffed her asshole and it did not smell. I also licked all around it, but I could not bring my tongue to her little rosebud. I kept imagining it opening up and shit coming out of it. But when my girlfriend licked my anus, I ejaculated uncontrollably onto her chest. It felt great! How can I get past my hang-up?

—Rosebud, San Simeon

It’s not just God-fearing Catholics who shy away from ass-to-mouth action; actually, plenty of folks have a fear of shit which prevents them from exploring many different forms of backdoor love, including being tongue-tied inside a sweetie’s ass. Porn star and anal queen Chloe says in my video Tristan Taormino’s Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women (Evil Angel Video), “Get over your fear of shit!” I second that emotion, but I realize it may be easier said than done for many folks.

So, I first want to let you in on some basics about anatomy. When you penetrate someone’s ass with your tongue, your finger, a sex toy, or your cock, chances are you are not venturing beyond the rectum. You’d need something more than ten inches long or a good portion of your arm to move past the rectum and into the colon. So, for all intents and purposes, the rectum is your territory when it comes to anal play. And the rectum is not a storage facility. That’s right, you can’t stack boxes of old 45s in there or anything else. Feces are stored in the colon and move into the rectum when you are ready to have a bowel movement. So, if you feel like you have to go to the bathroom and you do, your rectum will be relatively clean and free of waste matter. Now, if you have the urge to poop, but instead stick something in your ass, well you are much more likely to find yourself with a mess on your hands (quite literally!). All this applies to people with good diets, regular, healthy bowel movements, and no chronic bowel or gastrointestinal problems. Empty bowels and perhaps a hot soapy shower will ensure that your anal romp will be nothing but good clean fun!

However, if you are especially concerned about cleanliness — and judging by those powerful poop images you are having, I’d say you are — then you may want to ask your girlfriend to have an enema before you go anywhere with that reluctant-yet-potentially-eager tongue of yours. You may also want to consider using a dental dam or some plastic wrap as a barrier between your mouth and her butthole. Since you have obviously experienced the ecstatic pleasures of rimming from the other end, you owe it to yourself and your girlfriend to give it right back to her. Sexual double standards suck, and it’s not fair that you should be sitting on her face without letting her sit on yours.

Wanting to be Spread Wide

Aug 072000
 


I really enjoy anal stimulation and sex. It is the best way to have the best orgasm as far as I am concerned. I would like to know what I can do to be able to handle larger objects in my ass. An example would be a cucumber. I have such erotic fantasies about this and really want to move on to bigger things! I do not have a problem with a butt plug. The problem I have with trying bigger objects is that I orgasm too quickly. Just the thought of it makes me tingle. Any other advice you can give me?

—Wanting to be Spread Wide

So you’re a size queen, huh? Honey, I identify with you. I think it’s both noble and ambitious that you want to put bigger and bigger things in your ass.

My advice is pretty straight forward: work your way up slowly, don’t rush it, listen to your body. Use plenty of lube and have patience. If you’re using toys, make sure they have flared bases (you don’t want to lose anything in your ass) and are smooth. I find that butt plugs are a good way to warm up to larger toys because you can put one in and just leave it in for a little while. Your ass gets used to having something inside it, relaxes, and opens up around the plug. When you take it out, you’re ready for more. Some people like more of the in-and-out fucking with fingers or dildos, but that makes me sore more quickly than butt plugs (that’s just a personal preference though). Do what works for you.

As for the cucumber, well, I have two concerns. Most vegetables are sprayed with pesticides which are difficult to wash off completely; unless it’s organic, I wouldn’t put it in my ass. Some people have told me that cucumber peels contain a kind of natural substance which is irritating to the rectum and potentially dangerous; I suppose you could get an extra large condom for protection, but I say just stick to sex toys for safety.

Butter?

Jul 302000
 


I like my boyfriend to play with me and put his fingers in my ass as we enjoy intercourse. We use butter as a lubricant (remember Last Tango in Paris?). My question is: is it advisable to use butter as a lubricant? Can it produce infections? Are there any health risks?

—Concerned Anal Player

Thank the anal sex gods you wrote to me! Put that butter back in the kitchen where it belongs! Vegetable or oil based lubricants of any kind — including butter, olive oil, baby oil, Crisco, Vaseline, baby oil, or lotion — are not a good idea, especially for women. First, this group of lubricants breaks down latex, rendering your condoms and gloves useless in protecting you. Second, they weren’t made for sex so they definitely don’t work as well as the many lubricants on the market which are formulated specifically for sex. Third, these kinds of common household products will wreak havoc is a woman’s pussy. Even when you’re headed for her ass, and you are being diligent about cross-contamination (nothing should ever go ass to pussy; change the condom, the glove, the toy or wash with hot water and antibacterial soap), sometimes a little lube finds its way into her front door. In this case, that lube is a perfect breeding ground for infection, will not rinse out, and will most likely cause an infection of some kind.

A much better choice for you is a nice, thick water-based lube. Thicker lubes are better because they tend to stay wet longer, and act as a little bit of a cushion inside that delicate rectum. Some examples are: Maximus (imported from England), ID, Slippery Stuff Gel (glycerin-free and a good bet for people allergic or sensitive to glycerin), or Foreplay Lube de Luxe (Gel or Cream). The “Cream” version is actually the texture of Vaseline, but it’s water-based. You may also want to try a silicone-based lube. I know people who swear by them because they stay wet forever, but they aren’t my favorite.

Husband Wants Anal Pleasure

Jul 182000
 


I would really like to have my wife perform anal pleasure on my ass but she doesn’t seem to be very into it. She enjoys receiving anal sex, and I have mentioned in the past what I would like her to do, but I can tell she’s a little weirded out by my request. Any suggestions?

—D.D.

Congratulations on coming out of the backdoor closet! I think it is especially revolutionary for straight men to admit their desire to be the receivers of anal pleasure. You join plenty of men who want to get done in the ass, and I promise you that once you’ve had your prostate gland stimulated, you’ll never be the same again! For men, it’s a chance to be penetrated, to give your body over to a woman in a new way. Seriously, I think every man should be fucked in the ass at least once in their life, and I am so glad you are ready to try it. I truly believe that getting fucked in the ass is one of the greatest gifts you can give a woman and yourself.

Now, on to your wife. I am not sure exactly why she is “weirded out” by your request. I can tell you that she doesn’t know what she is missing. Giving men anal pleasure gives women an opportunity to be the aggressor or the penetrator for the first time. Your wife has the chance to experience her sexual power as a woman and a giver of pleasure in a wholly unique way. Have you asked her directly why she might be hesitant to do it? Many people can buy into the myth that if men want to be fucked in the ass, then they are really gay. This is ridiculous, of course. Because anal sex is falsely linked with gay men and gay sex, there is a myth that if men want anal sex, then they must be gay. In most cases, men who identify as heterosexual and desire giving and/or receiving anal sex with women are not repressing homosexual desires or tendencies. Their desire for a particular sexual activity does not rely on or “cancel out” their sexual preference in a partner. According to research, more gay men regularly practice fellatio than anal sex, and as my friend Audrey says, “How come no one ever asks: if a straight guy likes blow jobs, does that mean he’s really gay?” Your wife may be a victim of this stereotype, and you need to assure her that you love her, are attracted to her, and want her to do you in the ass.

Different men also want to be fucked in different ways. Some want to be submissive as part of an SM scene, and giving up your ass can be an ecstatic way to submit. Men have lots of issues to get over when it comes to being penetrated (feeling passive, receptive, plus homophobia), so sometimes being “forced” to do it by a Mistress or dominant woman helps them take that leap. These are specific to SM, and may or may not apply to you. Either way, men don’t necessarily have to be bottoms to be fucked in the ass. I have personally fucked plenty of tops in the ass without flipping them — it’s all in the way you play it.

There are a few superb resources that I recommend you and your wife check out. They will help to open up a dialogue about this subject, and will also give you great information, tips, and techniques for doing the deed. The book, The Ultimate Guide to Strap-on Sex by Karlyn Lotney is informative and very useful. There are two videos: Bend Over Boyfriend is heavy on super instruction and stars real life couples. Bend Over Boyfriend 2: Less Talkin’, More Rockin’ has a title that says it all. Both are produced by S.I.R. Video.

Burning During Penetration

Jun 252000
 


Yesterday, my lover and I settled down to watch your video (loved it!). We played during the video, and the idea was that I would take her strap on anally. But a strange thing happened. When she inserted a lubed, gloved finger into my butt, I felt an intense burning sensation. After a few minutes, I had to ask that we change the scene. (I wound up giving her a blow job, instead. [Happy dance!])

That’s never happened before, that burning sensation. I can still feel it a little bit now, twelve hours later. I’ve taken things before, like my own fingers, and a medium sized butt plug. Once, a guy even inserted a finger completely into me without lube, and that didn’t hurt. But for some reason, yesterday I got a really intense burning sensation.

The lube we used was Eros lube, and it was a latex glove. I know I don’t have a latex allergy, at least not a system wide one, because I work as an EMT and use latex gloves every day. I also used to cover one of my toys with a latex condom before inserting it (that goes back to when I was fourteen, though). I don’t know what happened. We were so in the mood, too!

Have you ever encountered a similar situation? If so, what was the problem, and how did it get fixed?

—Neptune

Hmmm. It sucks that you were so inspired by my video, but your anal play was a bust! I have a few theories about what might be going on. First, you probably do not have a latex allergy since, as you say, you’re an EMT and you’d know it by now. But have you considered that you may have had an allergic reaction to the lube? Different people have different sensitivities to lubricants; you may want to try a water based lubricant (since Eros, the one you tried, is silicone-based) to see if it makes a difference.

If it’s not the lube, it may be some kind of anal ailment. Hemorrhoids, anal fissures, even a minute tear in the delicate lining of the rectum can cause itching, irritation, burning, or pain. In that case, give your ass a vacation from butt play for about a week, then try it again. If your burning persists, you should see a doctor, because it may be a symptom which requires more extensive treatment (besides just giving your ass a break).

Now, there’s one other possible explanation: your ass just didn’t want to be fucked that night and the “burning” was a form of pain. In other words, sometimes we register pain in different ways: as soreness, as tightness, and, in some cases, as burning. Remember that our butts can be sort of finicky, and we need to respect them. I am glad that you stopped the scene and moved on to something else — listening to your body is so important! There are times when no matter how much you’ve prepared, no matter how much warm up, no matter how much you want it, your ass just won’t cooperate. Sometimes, there are issues or anxieties your haven’t resolved and those psychological issues are manifesting themselves on a physical level. Or you could have been particularly stressed out about something entirely different, but the stress affected your ass. Or, your ass just didn’t want to go there, for no explainable reason.

I hope I have given you some options to explore — good luck next time!

The Perfect Butt Plug

Jun 102000
 

Do you recommend a good butt plug? I first used a cheap jelly one, but I am ready to upgrade.

Since I used to work at a sex toy store and I have tried such a wide variety of toys, I feel very qualified to recommend them to people. My favorite butt plugs are made of silicone instead of latex rubber. Although it is more expensive, silicone is worth it because of all its pluses: it’s easy to clean, warms with body heat, and will conduct vibration from top to bottom.

I am thrilled to share with you that I’ve found the perfect butt plug. Why is it perfect? Because I made it! I teamed up with Vixen Creations, one of the best silicone sex toy manufacturers, and helped design a butt plug with my namesake. I tried to incorporate all the pros of some of my favorite butt plugs and fix some of the problems with some of my least favorite models. The result is an awesome butt plug named for me, called simply “Tristan.” It’s not a plug for beginners, but those of you who already enjoy anal pleasure, I hope you’ll like this creation. You can buy my butt plug in my shop. Please let me know what you think!

Bleeding After Penetration

Jun 022000
 

My boyfriend and I have been having anal sex for a few months now, and have been enjoying the new sensations that it produces. However, the past two times that we engaged in it, I’ve been bleeding afterwards. What is causing this? Will it ever heal, and if so, how long will it take? What treatments can I use to stop the bleeding? The blood is evident mostly on toilet paper (bright red) and occasionally in the toilet (after a bowel movement). Please help!

–JP

At the first sight of blood, no matter how little, most people become alarmed. It’s only natural. If you have a little bit of blood on the tissue when you wipe yourself, chances are there is no real cause for panic. The lining of the anus and rectum is quite delicate and even with the most gentle touch sometimes we can tear the tissue slightly and not even know it or feel any pain. As long as this spotting goes away in a few days, you should be fine.

If, however, there is more than just a little blood, or you have other symptoms with the bleeding — like pain, cramping, or extreme soreness — then you should definitely go see a doctor. You may have something more serious like an anal fissure or a ruptured hemorrhoid. Listen to your body, use common sense, and see your doctor if you are concerned.

Pesky Fingernails

May 222000
 

My boyfriend seems to like my finger up his butt when I suck his cock. I’d like to finger him, and maybe fuck him with my fingers. I am worried, however, that I might hurt or scratch him because I have nice long fingernails, and I hate to cut them. Any advice?

–Donna

Congratulations on finding your man’s ass! And kudos to him for not freaking out when you reach back there during a blow job! So much pleasure awaits both of you, but you’re smart to be concerned about your nails. The tissue of the anus and rectum is very delicate and requires gentle handling. Don’t despair — you can keep your talons and still give him a good ass fucking.

First, you need to invest in some disposable latex gloves; you can get them at drug stores and sex toy stores. They come in different sizes, and make sure you get the correct size with a good fit; you’ll have better sensitivity so you can feel what you’re doing and he won’t feel a wrinkled baggy glove inside his ass. If you are allergic or sensitive to latex, you should get vinyl gloves; they are harder to find and a little more expensive.

Many women with long nails like to stuff cotton balls in the fingertips of the gloves in order to protect their manicure and their partner’s delicate asshole. Others wrap their nails in gauze before slipping on a glove. One woman recently told me she’s found a finger bandage which she puts on underneath a latex glove. Whichever option you choose, make sure you use plenty of lube on your glove.

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