Going for the Gape

Jun 302004
 

I am a thirty year old woman in a D/s relationship. My Master really enjoyed something that I unknowingly did last night. I was in “doggie style” position, and he was playing with my ass from behind. I was very, very aroused and without knowing or trying, I experienced what I have seen you refer to as “the gape.” It turned him on a great deal. I was able to continue this for quite while, even while alternating contracting and relaxing my sphincter muscles. Then, suddenly, I just couldn’t reproduce the gape again no matter how I tried. If you have any information on how I might cultivate or encourage this skill, I would be most grateful.

–Going for the Gape

It sounds to me like you stumbled upon something that other people work pretty hard to achieve! Usually in order to get the gape, you need to be very turned on (as you said you were) and have an extended anal penetration scene to get your sphincter muscles to relax and open up. For some women, having something sizable in their ass for a while is enough to bring on the gape. From the description of your experience, you have a good awareness of and control over those muscles, which can also help you go for the gape. In addition to trying to contract and relax the sphincters, you may also want to try to bear down slightly, and see what effect that produces. Continuous penetration of some kind may be the key to extending the gape for you, since it sounds like, at some point, the banging stopped, and you were just flexing your muscles. If your Master continues to play with your ass, thus stimulating the area, I bet you’ll be able to extend the gape.

Mistress of His Ass

Jun 152004
 

My boyfriend is ultra submissive in just one area: his ass. He doesn’t go for the Mistress thing, lick-my-boot mentality, but when it comes to his ass (which is the focus of his fantasies and always how he’s able to come) he’s full sub. I know exactly what he needs that way, pain and humiliation. Directed at his ass. Insulting HIM gets us nowhere, but insulting HIS ASS does. My snag is this: there are only so many ways to insult an ass. Degrading his ass, calling it a cunt or pussy gets him off in a snap. Is there any way to get good ideas to boost my imagination so play is not monotonous for either of us?

–Mistress of His Ass

Plenty of people get off on pain, humiliation, degradation, and overall submission. Clearly your boyfriend’s submissiveness is tied directly to his ass and anal play. There are many ways to combine submission and anal pleasure. You’ve already insulted his ass, but have you also tried to insult and humiliate him for wanting his ass penetrated, for being a naughty butt boy? Take all the cultural baggage that comes with anal pleasure, and use it to your advantage, as a psychological tool: it’s dirty, taboo, dangerous, and will make him gay. Of course those aren’t true, but these myths can make for great mindfuck material.

If he likes extreme submission, you may also want to explore forced anal penetration or anal rape scenes; that’s tricky territory, so tread lightly. It also sounds like there is an element of gender play in your man’s fantasies, since he enjoys having his ass be called his pussy. Try to explore that part of his desire further. Does he want to crossdress, to be girl? Does he want to be forced to do it? Forced feminization is quite popular and may be part of what he’s try to express in the anal play you’re currently having. See if he will open up about and be specific about his submissive anal desires, and use what he gives you to take things to the next level.

Wanting More

Jun 032004
 

As long as we do lots of foreplay and my body is prepared, I don’t have a problem with pain during anal penetration. However, after about four inches of cock in my ass, I get abdominal pain that I can’t get past, no matter how relaxed or aroused I am. We’ve tried changing positions, but no matter what, it’s as if there is a road block. This is frustrating for me, and I know that for my husband, who wants his balls to slap my pussy on the downswing, it has to be downright maddening. I asked a girlfriend who’s into anal if she had ever experienced this, and she says that around the seven inch mark, her guy seems to hit a wall. Is it possible that there is a sharp bend that is preventing full penetration? Is there a technique to get around the discomfort I am experiencing? Swing to the left? Swing to the right?

–Wanting More

The first two inches inside the anus is called the anal canal, and the rectum is the area from the anal canal to the colon, which is another five to seven inches. Unlike the vagina, where you’ve got a pretty straight shot from end to end, the rectum is curved. That’s especially important to know when penetrating someone’s ass with anything longer than a finger, and especially with a dildo or vibrator that is firm and inflexible (like one made of hard plastic, clear acrylic, or glass). If you jam something (especially something rock hard) straight inside you can absolutely hit the rectal wall, which does not feel good. As you get more turned on, the rectum expands, and the curves are less pronounced, but they are still present.

So, the “four inch” stopping point you describe could correspond with the first curve of the rectum, when it curves toward the front of the body. Everyone’s internal geography is unique, and it’s possible that your rectum is more curvy than others. I’ve heard people report similar feelings of facing a roadblock inside their asses.

You’ve already tried changing positions, which would be my first suggestion. I suggest that you pick a long, very flexible toy, and, while masturbating, begin exploring your ass with it. Take note of the curve of the rectum, what feels good and what doesn’t, and if you can find your roadblock, or if you develop discomfort. Experiment with moving the toy forward or back inside of you to see if that changes anything. If you can find the trouble spot, see if you can move past it or around it, again, by moving it toward the front of the body or toward the back. If you are still experiencing problems, I suggest you talk to your doctor about it and have a rectal exam.

Bun Lover

May 202004
 

Is butt cheek fucking, or what is sometimes known as “hot dogging,” a common practice? I know tit fucking is quite common but I’ve never seen much talk of cheek fucking. Why do I never read about it in magazines or even see anything about it on the internet? Is it something that turns women off? Have you ever tried it? If so, did you get anything out of it? Let me know if you have come across it, and what your opinions are.

–Bun Lover

You’ve hit on something here, Bun Lover: there are plenty of erotic images of cocks sliding between breasts, but little or no comparable representations of hot dogging! I suspect that in this age of porn featuring a veritable menu of Olympic-like sexual acts (like double penetration and double anals), butt cheek fucking is probably seen as far too innocent. Certainly we’ve seen dicks slide between ass cheeks, but it’s usually a brief shot before penetration. As for the “turn on” factor you asked about, well, just like with every other desire, fantasy, and fetish, it totally depends on the person. I actually do enjoy it, but I may be more anally-inclined than the average girl. Sometimes, I like butt cheek fucking as a tease; other times, if I am craving anal pleasure but my ass isn’t in the mood for penetration, butt cheek fucking along with some good dirty talk can totally get me off.

Questioning Her Anal Love

May 122004
 

I have been with my girlfriend for six years, going on seven. The sex is really amazing, but something is missing: anal. I love to eat her pussy a lot. The taste of her and just being down there can make me come. For the past year, when we 69, as I lick her pussy, I have been playing with her ass, and she moans louder when I do that. One time, my whole thumb was in her ass and she loved it. But when we talk about it, she seems hesitant. When I go down on her, I tend to give her a small rim job. Or, when we are in missionary position and I swivel her left leg over so her ass is exposed and play with her ass. She gets into it, and then stops. I’m very confused. I think she loves it, but I don’t know.

–Questioning Her Anal Love

It sounds to me like you two need to have a conversation about anal pleasure. According to your account, your girlfriend isn’t opposed to it, though it seems that you want to go further than she is comfortable going. It may be that rimming and penetration with a finger feels great, and she has no desire to do any more. But the fact that you’re getting mixed signals means she may have some unexplored issues that prevent her from fully enjoying the anal play you already do and stop her from further exploration. Be open, compassionate, and non-judgmental when you approach her. Ask her if she has fears or misgivings about anal pleasure; she may have concerns about hygiene, safer sex, penetration, and other common issues associated with butt sex. Talk through these issues, and see if you can get to the bottom of her feelings.

Big E

Apr 252004
 

I’m 29 years old, and I have been putting things up my ass for about ten years now. I’ve worked my way up to take equivalent of three cucumbers. The last time I put things up my ass, the most bizarre thing happened, and it’s happened once before about a year ago. I like watery vegetables because I feel like I need less lube and my ass gets a “wet silk” feeling from them. After I inserted a peeled cucumber, I had this allergy-like reaction all over my body. The same thing happened last year with a carrot. Nothing grave, just red, itchy, swollen eyes etc. which went away in about an hour. I know what it is since I’ve been allergic to lots of stuff since I was a child and still have serious hayfever. Is it the absorption of the vegetable juices by my rectum that causes the allergy or something else? Any knowledge of anybody experiencing this, or what it could be exactly? I mean, one does not want to go into anaphylactic shock with a set of cucumbers up one’s ass, right?

–Big E

If I have told you once, I’ve told you a million times: leave the vegetables in the kitchen and out of your ass! Of all food allergies, allergies to vegetables are not as common as others, however there is some research which shows that certain foods — including melon, banana, zucchini and cucumber — as well as the popular herb chamomile, can aggravate ragweed allergies. Symptoms include itching and tingling of the mouth, lips, throat, and ears, and in more serious cases, the swelling of tissue or anaphylactic shock. You said that you have allergies and hayfever, so my guess is that’s you’re allergic to ragweed, and some of the vegetables you’re sticking up your ass are exacerbating this allergy. One more example of why you should stick to silicone, rather than organic, phallic objects!

Double Dildo Dilemma

Apr 172004
 

I was hoping to get some of your good advice before purchasing a strap-on to fuck my girlfriend in the ass. I came across one called the “double whammy”, a two-headed dildo which has one long shaft to insert in the recipient and another shorter shaft to insert in the wearer of the strap-on harness. This enables the one doing the fucking (me) to feel some penetration herself and thus enjoy the whole thing a little more. Have you in your years of experience come across one of these things and if so are they any good for either partner? What does it feel like for the wearer? Can the wearer really get off while fucking the other person?

–Double Dildo Dilemma

Most double ended dildos are just like one long dildo with two heads, and, while they can be fun for partners to share, they can’t be used with a strap-on harness. The toy that you described sounds to me like the Nexus, a silicone double-headed dildo from Vixen Creations that was designed specifically for use with a harness. One end sticks out of the harness for fucking your girl, and the other slips inside you. As you thrust with your hips to push the dildo inside your partner, the other end penetrates you. The Nexus is a totally unique toy, and one that lots of people rave about; I’ve used it myself and really like it. It comes in two sizes, and is ideal if the size of each dildo works for each partner.

As to your question, “Can the wearer really get off while fucking the other person?” Well, that all depends on how the wearer gets off! For some women, wearing a standard (not two headed) dildo in a harness is very arousing since as you start thrusting, the base of the dildo can rub up against your clit. Also, there are vibrating dildos that can be used in a harness, to give the wearer (and her partner) plenty of buzz where it counts. If penetration is what gets you off, and the Nexus hits the right spot, then it can add a whole new level to your strap-on pleasure.

Anal Lovers in Delaware

Apr 022004
 

My girlfriend and I like anal sex a lot, and we always talk dirty about using anal beads when we are doing it. I have no doubt she wants me to get them, but I am curious about a couple things. Are there anal beads for first timers? What do they do exactly? Is there a guide on how to use them? How can we use them so she gets the most pleasure out of the experience?

–Anal Lovers in Delaware

Anal beads come in a variety of styles. The beads can be made of hard plastic or rubber, and there can be anywhere from five to ten attached by a string that runs through them. The string is usually made of cotton or nylon, and the beads can be all the same size or they can graduate in size. I caution you when shopping for this particular kind of toy, since there are lots of cheaply made anal beads on the market. Avoid hard plastic beads with obvious seams that feel sharp to the touch of the finger — they will irritate the delicate lining of the rectum; some people may also find that the knots in the string between beads feel uncomfortable inside the ass. Remember that nearly all beads on any kind of string may be cleaned but not disinfected, so it’s not a good idea to share anal beads with others. There are other toys, made of rubber or silicone, that have designs which are reminiscent of anal beads, but are one continuous piece without any string. These are much easier to clean (although remember that only silicone is non-porous) and are generally more comfortable.

For first timers, I recommend you pick small beads, and gradually work your way up to larger sizes if you discover you like them. As for the how-to, here goes: for some people, the moment when the sphincter muscles relax and allow for that first moment of pleasurable penetration is incredibly hot. With anal beads, you can experience that first-penetration feeling over and over, since the muscles open to accommodate the bead, then close around it, then open for the next bead, and so on. You should slip one well-lubed bead at a time in your girlfriend’s ass. Once they are all in (or as many are in as she wants), you can (slowly!) pull the entire string of beads out, creating an entirely different, but equally intense, sensation. Some folks like this grand exit to happen when they feel close to orgasm, in order to push them over the edge; others like to wait until they are coming to intensify the climax. You can also keep them in until after you’ve come. Like any other toy, experiment and find out what works best for you.

Pleasure With My Probe

Mar 202004
 

I just started having anal sex with my girlfriend. We did it the first time with lots of lube and I was able to get the entire shaft inside her with little to no pain. She told me that she could feel the fullness but she got no pleasure or pain from it. She said that if I wanted to do it again later it would be no problem since it does not hurt her; however, I would like for her to get some pleasure out of it. I cannot touch her vagina with my fingers because she is very ticklish there. If you have any suggestions, I would appreciate it them.

–Pleasure With My Probe

Bravo to you for realizing that anal sex should be pleasurable for both people involved. My suggestion is that you add some clitoral stimulation to the mix. While you are doing her ass, rub her clit, or, if it’s easier, have her do it herself. You could also use a vibrator for more intense, focused sensation. Many women (me included!) love the combination of clitoral and anal stimulation, and lots of girls say that they don’t experience pleasure from anal penetration without something on their clit.

I’m not sure what to make of your girlfriend’s ticklish pussy. That sounds more psychological than physical to me. Perhaps it’s a reaction to her feeling shy about receiving pleasure; if that’s the case, then you should encourage her to relax and give herself permission to experience being touched and pleasured. Or, it could be that when she’s turned on, her genitals become super-sensitive, and stimulation of any kind feels overwhelming. Then, try softer, more indirect kinds of stimulation, like rubbing her clit from one side, rather than directly on top.

Shaved and Ready

Mar 132004
 

I recently got very into anal sex. Before it just never worked, but now I’m with a guy who knows what he’s doing, and it’s great. I have two questions. I recently shaved my butthole for the first time, and it got a bit itchy. What kind of lotion to you recommend to help it from being too itchy? Second, my guy was interested in buying that new KY Warming Liquid, but I heard it’s bad for anal. Have you used it? What do you think? Does it burn or is it safe?

–Shaved and Ready

Welcome to the world of anal sex lovers! Your tale proves that with a patient, skilled lover, even people who’ve had negative anal experiences in the past can enjoy it. I’m so glad you found someone who could do you like you deserve to be done! As for your shaved-butt-itchy ass, I recommend you use products with no fragrance, dye, or a long lists of other chemical ingredients since all of them will serve to further aggravate your hairless hole. A little bit of witch hazel should calm the irritated skin, followed by baby oil, petroleum jelly, or a very gentle moisturizer for sensitive skin.

As for your query about KY Warming Liquid, here’s the scoop: this is a new lubricant produced by a well-respected name when it comes to slippery stuff. KY Warming Liquid is water-based and the packaging claims it “creates a gentle warming sensation on contact.” Off all the reviews I’ve heard, none has been very great; people describe the effect as either too subtle or intense burning, neither of which sound very good to me. The product contains honey and chemicals to create the warming sensation, which can irritate the sensitive tissue of both the front and back doors. If you like the KY brand, then I recommend you try KY UltraGel; otherwise, water-based thick lubes like Astroglide Gel, Maximus, or I-D work great.

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