Feb 012010

Last year, I discovered my extreme sexual attraction to women and since then, my desire for men has been decreasing. I’ve never been with a woman sexually but intend to really soon. I am wondering if perhaps my attraction for the same sex is simply stemming from my bad relationships with guys (one being a sex addict male cousin) or if I’m really a lesbian. Can I be so attracted and turned on by women without being a lesbian? Is this normal? Or can I be a straight female who is just disgusted with guys at the moment?

My advice to you is to stop worrying so much about labels and identities like “straight” and “lesbian,” and just follow your heart. You may be one or the other, or you may be bisexual, but in any case, what you call yourself isn’t the most important thing, especially right now. It sounds like your attraction to women is new, and I would say that if you feel it that strongly, it probably has nothing to do with your attraction, or lack thereof, to men. If you feel attracted to a woman, then I encourage you to trust your instincts and explore the possibilities.

Sep 012009

I have read an article in which you wrote about how various women prefer to trim their pubic hair, and I have the same burning question to ask you about how I deal with mine? I have friends that enjoy that neatly trimmed look, as do I, but I never seem to be able to achieve that look! I have tried shaving completely, and while enjoyable, it’s not what I want for an everyday look. I am partly scared of waxing. I have looked everywhere for instructions on how to properly trim (not shave or wax), by but I can’t seem to find any. Do you have any suggestions or perhaps know of anywhere where I could learn?

I always wished there was a school or a class or a workshop for pussy grooming—I’m serious! But alas, there isn’t. I think that the best way to achieve your desired “look” is to experiment and practice, practice, practice. You may want to get a bunch of porn magazines, and pick out pussy haircuts you like and try to copy them. My boy recently gave me a cordless beard trimmer as a gift, so lately, I have been trimming first, then shaving with a razor. I know lots of people who use beard/facial hair trimmers or clippers for everyday because it’s faster and there’s less risk of cutting yourself! On the newer ones you can adjust the blades for your particular desired length. Waxing can be scary; I find it way too painful, and my pussy is red and puffy and angry right afterwards. Yikes!

Feb 102009

I wanted to compliment your tattoo in your thigh. Did you design that yourself? I think it is almost as beautiful as you are. Was the work done in NYC? Are you a Scorpio? What is its significance?

Thanks so much! My tattoo design was a collaboration between me and the tattoo artist, who also incidentally did my tribal arm band as well. Her name is Squid, and she is perhaps best known as the bass player for the rockin’ band The Lunachicks. I’m not sure Squid is still tattooing, however, she used to work out of a place in Brooklyn called Fly Rite Tattoo, and the folks there were awesome. I am not a Scorpio, I am a Taurus. My father was a Scorpio, and when he died in 1995, I had the tattoo done as a memorial to him.

Sep 012008

Now I’ve seen your videos and read your book (bought it for my wife actually), I have a burning, itching question. You call yourself a lesbian yet you play with both sexes. Doesn’t that make you bi? Fact is you’ve had sex with both so that makes you bisexual. Please clarify.

Yours is very common question. While my behavior may appear bisexual, as you say, I don’t really identify with the label “bisexual,” nor does it feel like it accurately describes me. Usually, the most I will cop to is being an equal opportunity lover. I see myself as queer, since queer to me is not just about who I love or lust, but it’s about my culture, my community, and my politics. The truth is, even if I were with a heterosexual guy, I’d be a queer dyke. And trust me, after being with me, he wouldn’t be so straight.

Sep 012007

Forgive this rather silly, “fan” question. Is your name a “nom de plume” or are you, in fact, of Sicilian heritage?

Tristan Taormino is my real name, given to me at birth by my parents. Thanks Mom and Dad for such a cool name. I don’t have a middle name. As for my ethnicity, I get that question a lot. Taormino is the name of my step-grandfather, who adopted my father as a child and changed his name. My paternal grandfather’s last name was Clancy. Thus, I am Irish (his dad) and Italian (his mom) on my dad’s side of the family and Irish/English on my mom’s side.

May 012006

We saw you on Real Sex #25 and you were wonderful! Such a turn on!! We have a question and we hope you can help. What is that purple glowing globe-like thing that all the girls are playing with and where do we get one? When you were dancing on stage, there was a kind of rap song playing…the lyrics were something like “I’m Feeling Horny?” That song was SOOO cool. We have been trying like forever to find the name of that song and who sings it. Do you know who does?

The toy we were playing with is called a Violet Wand, and it’s actually an electricity toy, not a vibrator like some people think. You can buy the Violet Wand at better BDSM/leather/fetish stores like Purple Passion, and I definitely recommend you look at this site and read the book Juice: Electricity for Pleasure and Pain by Uncle Abdul before you do. As for the song, next time the show airs, press pause, the music is listed in the credits.

Sep 012000

I’ve been told that I am a great writer many times by friends and strangers who have read my short stories. I was wondering, how do I go about getting my works published? I’m not sure where I should begin to showcase my talents.

You should start by finding as many web sites, publications, email lists, and books that list calls for submissions. I don’t know what kinds of stories you write, so I can’t give you specific places to look, but there are writers associations on the Web, magazines like Poets & Writers, and lots of guides and lists with calls for submissions. Research what kinds of publications—sites, magazines, anthologies, etc.have published work like yours, and find out if they take unsolicited submissions. Sometimes you have to write a query letter first; other times, you can send a manuscript right off the bat. Be sure to follow the call for submissions or the writer’s guidelines; as an editor, I get so frustrated when people don’t follow the simplest instructions (like, no email submissions, or enclose a self-addressed stamped envelope). Take the plunge, and send your work out into the world!